To live or to love, that is the question. VLOG0039

The video:

Am I exaggerating? I do not think so. This is a video about my divorce in December a few days ago. It was the saddest day in December. Weird enough, it was also very romantic and funny. My husband and I enjoyed every minute together. Before and after divorce. Even the judge and lawyer were amused and attracted to our seemingly good relationship. Why in hell did we have to get divorced?

It is the dream of most people: lifelong, happy, mutual, fulfilled love. Unfortunately, it is one of the most difficult things to do in life. And the more special the personalities, wishes and lifestyles of the partners are, or the more the lifestyles change with one or both partners, the more difficult it is to live together. I’m not saying it’s impossible. In my case, a million euros would have solved our problem. But I prefer to start over.

In 2014, Olaf and I met. We both loved hiking in the mountains. I moved fresh to Garmisch-Partenkirchen, where he lived. He was my roommate in the flat that I moved to, because in Garmisch the apartments are not only extremely expensive because many want to move there, but also hardly available because they are so popular, so you can be happy if you find a room. For me personally, a flat share is nothing. I find it absolutely annoying to squat so closely together with people with whom you don’t have a relationship anyway or who don’t belong to the family anyway. The sounds, smells, different ideas of order tend to be stressful for me. I found Olaf interesting from the start, but was too busy finding an apartment, working, and pursuing my hobbies, and we were too close to each other for voluntary closeness to arise. So I was glad to have found an apartment soon, even if it was a basement apartment and had hardly any light. And so I had more privacy, and Olaf and I came together.

However, I was always dissatisfied with my apartments. At that time, I didn’t know what other solution could be to just move. I didn’t know anything about Vanlife and campers were suspect to me. So I moved to Munich, because Munich offers everything. Work, culture, public transport, the proximity to destinations. Only Olaf didn’t want to come along. I only had one room in Munich, because Munich is even more expensive than Garmisch, and it is even more difficult to find an affordable apartment. We decided one day to rent an affordable, large apartment in the Bavarian Forest. However, I had totally underestimated that I would not find a job there and that we had to live on the subsistence level. In addition, our neighbors were extremely loud, uncomfortable people. We moved to Bad Birnbach. A pretty health resort that I had learned to love long before. Cheap rents, train station with connection to Munich available. And so I was able to work in Munich and live quietly close to nature. Only Olaf was not feeling well. The mountains far away. I was always broken between two night shifts (5 hours of commuting every day). And I was dissatisfied again. My dissatisfaction expressed itself in the fact that I scolded every day that the apartment was dirty and kept moaning until I did it myself in a bad mood. So I did the household and work, and Olaf did nothing. We both couldn’t deal with this situation. Nevertheless, we got married. We were in the marriage counseling right from the start. However, it didn’t help. The commute was too much of a burden on our relationship. In Munich or Garmisch we did not find an affordable apartment with two rooms (since I had to sleep during the day, one room would not have been enough). We broke up. And I threw the towel off completely and went to Tenerife. Gave up my apartment, sold everything. Bought me a roof tent. And started my new life.

After a few months I made a home visit to Bavaria and asked Olaf if we could meet as friends. As friends. Clearly that would not work. So we came together again and had a long-distance relationship for a few months. It was terrible and beautiful at the same time. Then I wanted to spend two months in Germany. Olaf tried Vanlife with me to see if that might be interesting for him too. But he only liked it a little, but didn’t want it in everyday life. He just needed his room, bathroom and kitchen. His retreat and familiar surroundings. Now I had to choose. Still a long distance relationship so I could travel? But for me it’s a pain because I need a lot of physical closeness. Or give up my vanlife? But I had never been so happy as with this lifestyle. Or give up my husband although I loved him so much? What a terrible question I had to ask myself. Nobody should be forced to ask this question. But since he doesn’t make any money, I should have financed all the trips for him. I would not have been able to do that in the long run because I earn as normal. So we finally gave up in October. Olaf filed for divorce. We already had a separation year behind us. There was no hope for us, except if we had won the lottery. So our divorce was in December. We not only parted peacefully, but even romantically. We were walking together before the appointment, even though I was between two night shifts, and after the appointment at the Christmas market. It’s a shame, but what else should I do? Give up my life? Then it would no longer be my life. And it’s the only life I have.

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